So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
