could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
