The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
