you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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