He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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