no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
