I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need water and some morals
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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