Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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