we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
