I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
