i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
