If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
