there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's like heaven, but drunker
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The air taste purple.
Randomize
