best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Someone signed my nipple.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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