Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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