How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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