Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
