Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
