I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
