I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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