Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
