a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
