Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
