did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
