Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
