apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
