Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
