i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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