I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
