I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
