That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
