My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize