I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
