i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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