So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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