Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
