sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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