Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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