I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
