How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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