where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
