someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I only lived at night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
