Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
