Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
