Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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