It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
