The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
