I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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