I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize