I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
