whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
