he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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