Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
