My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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