Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
