Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
