....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
