You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize