good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We need to get me chipped asap
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
