I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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