was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
