Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
