So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
