Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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