so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
