I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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