After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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