So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
