You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.