i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
