Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
