Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
