i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
