My friends, they love my intelligence
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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