I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
