She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
