So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
