I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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