Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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