I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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