Need sex. Gaining weight.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
