so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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