So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
